


say my name again

by mayuuuu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance, Smut, also Doctor!Johnny, and Doctor!Ten, tho i apologize in advance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayuuuu/pseuds/mayuuuu
Summary: Taeyong thumbed the engraved letters in his ring: J's TaeyongJohnny's arms tightened around him, he smiled. Yes, he's Johnny's Taeyong.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 13
Kudos: 56





	1. beginning of an end

**Author's Note:**

> yo!  
> pardon my errors in advance >//////<  
> read at your own risk!  
> much love,
> 
> tdb

Recollecting his memories in over twenty years, Taeyong couldn’t help but feel his chest constrict. There were ups and downs along the way but they’re almost there. He’s thankful to all the people who helped make it happen. He couldn’t thank them enough as words wouldn’t suffice. Taeyong even made a list of the people he owes. He will repay them someday.

Taeyong choked a sob.

“Baby, are you okay?” Jaehyun snapped him out from reverie, voice sounding so concerned over the phone. Taeyong knows Jaehyun will run to him, he just need to say a word.

“I’m fine. I’m just…” Taeyong shifted on his bed. The air-conditioning was suddenly so cold. He could feel his toes freezing so he adjusted the comforter over his body, making sure to snuggle under the warmth. The clock says it’s already 2:25am, only a few hours left for him to sleep. “I’m… nervous. You know, wedding jitters and all. I’m fine though! Don’t worry! It’s just that I can’t breathe and my tummy’s in pain and I’m probably overthinking about—”

Jaehyun chuckled, cutting Taeyong off with his low honey voice vibrating against his ears. Taeyong blushed, still not used to Jaehyun’s voice over the years. He’ll never get used to it, not when it reduced him to a mumbling mess every time. “I’m also nervous, Yong. We’ve come a long way. I can still remember that day when your friends threatened to ditch my body to the nearest river if I ever as much as touch you.”

“Stop!” Taeyong squeaked. “That was so embarrassing!” He slipped even deeper into his bed.

Jaehyun ignored his whining. “The first date was a total disaster. I remember Yuta telling me to walk a meter away from you and to walk ahead because he’s afraid I’d check you out from behind. I swore to Doyoung that my intentions are pure and I just wanted to know you more. He even made this paper I had to sign, promising that you’d be home my six in the afternoon, intact, and I cannot touch even a strand of your hair or else he’d have his father file a restraining order against me.” Jaehyun laughed, “Don’t get me started with them following us the entire day and I was so afraid I’d embarrass myself in front of you.”

The both of them laughed at the memories of Doyoung placating Jaehyun with a glare when he attempted to pinch Taeyong’s cheek for being cute. He was retelling some funny stories and Taeyong was listening attentively, laughing carefree. Jaehyun thought he looked so beautiful he had to touch Taeyong to make sure he’s real. Doyoung blew their cover just to remind Jaehyun of his life.

Taeyong remembered getting angry that his friends didn’t trust him enough to be left alone with his date. In Doyoung’s defense, Jaehyun didn’t look trustworthy given his image as a famous campus jock. Yuta seconded and argued that if a jerk hurt Taeyong, he’s not afraid to lose his black belt in Taekwondo just to kick Jaehyun’s ass. Taeyong remembered walking out with a dumbfounded Jaehyun in tow despite Doyoung and Yuta calling his name and begging him to go home with them. Taeyong and Jaehyun continued the day in a park 20 minutes away from their neighborhood.

Jaehyun has been nice to him, telling him that it’s okay, that he didn’t mind Taeyong’s friends’ threats because he will not do anything that could potentially hurt Taeyong.

“You didn’t, Jae. You were such a gentleman that day, you still are if not more. Had I known they’ll do the things they did, I shouldn’t have told them when you asked me out.”

Taeyong blushed at the memory of kissing Jaehyun’s cheek, where his prominent dimple shows. His smile was so warm. He walked Taeyong home and arrived five minutes before six, keeping his promise. Taeyong kept meeting with Jaehyun after that, a decision he will never regret for the rest of his life.

“It’s okay, baby. I got the chance to prove myself to them. That I’ll take care of you and will never hurt you. That the feelings I felt the day I first saw you were not just a passing crush. And I’m just a day away from starting forever with you.”

Taeyong sniffed, “I love you, Jaehyun.” He felt too emotional. Maybe because after years of loving Jaehyun is still not enough and that being tied to him forever is the only validation he needed. Taeyong wouldn’t deny that they’ve faced an uphill battle and coming out victorious felt so much gratifying. When Jaehyun knelt down on his knee, one hand holding Taeyong’s and the other offering a silver band, both their families cheering in the background, Taeyong’s answer came soon. He’d been the happiest as Jaehyun slip the band in his finger with a silent promise of a happy ever after.

And tomorrow, it will top the memory of their engagement.

“I can’t wait to marry you, Taeyong.” Taeyong heard some rustling from the background, Jaehyun probably shifted on his position. He hummed as Jaehyun continued, “I’ve practiced my vow a lot of times in front of the mirror. I memorized every line and probably made fun of myself in more ways I can count along the way. Despite all the preparations I made, I can’t promise that I’ll deliver them perfectly tomorrow. My brain and mouth might stop functioning altogether.” Jaehyun chuckled and it made Taeyong smile despite the happy tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m nervous as well, baby. Thinking what if you decided you don’t want me as your husband the last minute, I’d still beg you to marry me. I’ll be crazy if you’ll come out of the venue without my name attached to yours.” Jaehyun paused, “I love you so much, Taeyong. We’re in this together. Always remember. I’m being brave for the both of us, baby. You don’t have to worry.”

“I can’t help it.” Taeyong wiped the ugly blotch on his face with the comforter. “I’ll be damned if I won’t get to be Mr. Jung tomorrow.”

The both of them laughed. The silence stretched for a couple of seconds. They basked under bliss of promises. Taeyong’s eyes are getting heavier each passing second. He yawned loud enough for Jaehyun to hear. “Are you sleepy?”

“A bit. I miss you.” Taeyong answered.

“Do you want me to drive to your hotel? I can sneak out. Mark and the rest are sprawled out sleeping with too much alcohol they won’t know I went out.” Jaehyun suggested. It sounded so tempting. They haven’t seen each other for three days now.

Taeyong chuckled, “No need, Jae. As much as I wish you’re here with me, I don’t want to break traditions and face bad omen. You know you can’t see me until the ceremony, right?”

He can hear Jaehyun smiling, his prominent dimples probably on display. “Nothing can stop me from marrying you. But if my fiancée says so, I’ll follow the tradition and wait. I waited six years for you, baby. This is nothing.” Jaehyun says even with the obvious longing lacing his voice. “I miss you more.”

Taeyong breathed as he fights the impending sleep. A yawn escaped his lips. “I better take my beauty sleep now. I don’t want to look like a fish in front of everyone… Doyoung… will kill me if I have dark circles under my eyes on my big day.”

“Hmm… sleep now, baby. I love you.”

He remembers himself responding something that made Jaehyun laugh before bidding him good night. Taeyong drifted to sleep, wishing for a sunny day in the afternoon. If it rained, it would mess the sunset beach wedding he and Jaehyun planned together for months.

He wished for a good day.

He wished…

-

Jaehyun woke up in chaos. He remained seated on his bed, bed hair sticking to different direction. He would like to question as to why Mark is currently pulling the curtain and Yukhei doing the same on the other side. His eyes already offended by the light spilling from both ceiling to floor windows.

“Hyung! Get up!” Jungwoo grabbed him excitedly, pulling his arms in attempt to get him to stand.

Jaehyun groaned, “Too early, guys. What are you up to?” he suddenly regret agreeing to renting a villa with his cousins and friends. Last night was too rowdy. Jaehyun had to stop Mark and Jungwoo from purchasing another five bottle of expensive Vodka. Yukhei passed out on the couch on their way to second bottle. Jungwoo followed after an hour, retiring beside Yukhei. Mark slumped, banging his head against the table with no care at all, too consumed to even acknowledge pain. Yuta drank him under the table come the fifth bottle while Doyoung was too wasted to even respond when they ask him if he wanted to sleep in his room.

Taeyong’s friends were to remain with him last night as Taeyong’s mother feared they’ll spill Taeyong’s pictures to Jaehyun before the ceremony. They really wanted no one to see Taeyong until the wedding ceremony. His fiancée’s parents as well as his own are staying in a villa opposite them. It was always a relief to Jaehyun that Mrs. Lee and his mother shared the same passion over plants and both their fathers are into business. 

“Doyoung was already breathing fire down our neck, hyung, and Yuta hyung is still dead to the world. Please get up, I beg you.” Jungwoo groaned. Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile fondly. His cousin had always been clingy. It wasn’t a secret that Doyoung actually put Jungwoo and Mark to place. A good move Taeyong told him when they made the reservation. Both of them are too much to handle. Jaehyun is so thankful of Doyoung for making sure no one died from alcohol poisoning during their stay in the hotel.

“Did you already eat breakfast?”

Yukhei shook his head. “Doyoung said to get you because you’re paying.”

Jaehyun laughed a bit. “Alright kids, give me five minutes to make myself presentable then we’ll eat breakfast.”

The three cheered and went out, leaving Jaehyun alone inside his room. It suddenly felt big without them. Taeyong sleeps beside him but it’s been three days already and Jaehyun missed him so much.

He leaned to get his phone on top of the nightstand and unlocked it. He’s got tons of notifications lining but he ignored them to scroll down and check if there’s any from Taeyong. Jaehyun smiled when he saw three messages from his beloved.

**Jung Taeyong <3**

_Good morning, Jae! Gosh Doyoung is going to kill me! I look so ugly TT^TT_ 7:45am _  
Btw have you eaten? Please eat a lot baby. I don’t want you fainting later haha_ 7:45am _  
Remember that I love you. <3<3 _7:46am

Jaehyun tapped the screen to reply.

8:20am _you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on, baby.  
_8:20am _Don’t you dare call yourself ugly. I love you so much  
_8:20am _I’m sorry it took me a while to respond. I woke up late_ _☹_ _  
_ 8:21am _I’m about to wash my face and meet the others for breakfast. Please eat a lot as well, my baby. I look forward to see you later_ _😉_ _  
_ 8:21am _P.S.: start getting used to being Mr. Jung now. :D_

He tossed his phone on the bed and went to wash his face. Once ready, Jaehyun pulled a clean shirt from his carrier and changed into it. Jaehyun grabbed his phone before walking out. Taeyong replied soon after he met with Mark. Doyoung is looking at him from behind his sunglasses, lips curving to an obvious frown. Jaehyun smiled his famous dimpled smile and muttered an apology.

“It’s so hot, just so you know. I spent a good fortune on this skin, Jung Jaehyun.” Doyoung said. “If I die from aneurism because of your cousins, you will shoulder my burial expenses.”

They were led to the breakfast buffet. One round table was already reserved for them. “I know you love them, Doie. Mark is an absolute charmer!” Jaehyun pulled a chair for Doyoung before settling beside him. “Though I cannot vouch for Jungwoo. You know how he gets.”

Said Jungwoo is currently building a small mountain on his plate. He sure could eat for a group. Mark and Yukhei follows close behind with the almost the same amount of food. Jaehyun smiled fondly at the sight. They don’t get to spend time together with Yukhei in Hongkong and Jungwoo studying in Japan. Mark went home from Canada to attend his wedding. All three to proxy their parents who unfortunately cannot attend due to busy schedules.

“If I didn’t love Taeyong and you by extension, I certainly will not waste time babysitting the kids.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “They make me age faster.”

Jaehyun listened to Doyoung ramble about how stressful it was for him to help organize the wedding. From planning everything since last year to delivering Taeyong’s dream wedding. It had been a rollercoaster ride for everyone. “I’m sorry, Doie. You can always ask us of anything. We owe you this.” Jaehyun caught Doyoung’s eyes to share a look. “Both of us are grateful of your help. If it weren’t for you, none of this would’ve happened.”

Mark and the others ate heartily, interjecting from time to time only to annoy Doyoung. Yuta came half an hour later along with Jaehyun and Taeyong’s parents. They joined the table and sat for breakfast. Everything is starting great. Jaehyun could only hope Taeyong isn’t feeling lonely.

After breakfast, Jaehyun and the others started greeting the guest. Some arrived early to catch breakfast while the others managed to check in by lunch. It would’ve been nice to have Taeyong around. Jaehyun missed him so much. It was Doyoung who suggested to book Taeyong’s hotel 30 minutes away from the resort, joking about giving Taeyong a long ride where he can decide if he wanted to ditch Jaehyun last minute.

Jaehyun cannot just leave them with the preparation (or take care of his cousins) and because they don’t want to break traditions. Yuta promised that he’ll ride together with Taeyong to the venue, which is why he already left the villa after breakfast, carrying Taeyong’s suit.

Around three in the afternoon, Jaehyun can already feel the strong clenching of his gut. He cannot help but pace back and forth. Yukhei reminded him about the slight wrinkle on his coat but he couldn’t care less.

Jungwoo tapped on his shoulder, “How about we check the venue first, hyung? You’re so stiff! You’re getting married you know? You’re not attending a funeral. Loosen up!”

“Yeah! Smoothen that crease on your forehead okay? We’re getting impatient and nervous too!” Mark seconded, closing the gap between him and Jaehyun to push the older out of the villa. “Let’s take a walk outside okay? And maybe snap some pictures. That’ll be so cool!” Yukhei hollered and followed them

Jaehyun released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He allowed his cousins to pull him to the venue. Doyoung was standing outside talking with the wedding coordinator, he pointed several things before nodding his head about something the lady told him.

“Is everything okay?” Jaehyun asked.

Doyoung looked at him, coughing a bit. “Y-yeah. Just some minor changes with the flowers. Didn’t know your aunt is allergic to some orchids. We had to change it immediately—why are you here? Nope don’t answer. I already know.” He squinted his eyes towards Jaehyun’s cousins. “Don’t worry about the venue. Aside from some mishaps, everything is already good.”

“Thank you Doyoung.” Jaehyun said sincerely.

Said male smiled at him, a rare occurrence. He doesn’t smile often, mostly a smug smile that says I told you so because Kim Doyoung is always right. “Are you ready to get married?”

“Never been this ready.”

“I’m so happy for you and Taeyongie. You know I’ve told you million times to take care of him and love him with all you have, I’ll never stop reminding you of that, Jung.” Jaehyun was pulled into a hug. He could smell Doyoung’s cologne, sweet pea, which is kind of cute. Jaehyun reciprocated the hug and murmured a soft thank you because he means it.

They shot lots of photos and in between pictorials, Jaehyun texted Taeyong. Yuta is with him and they’re ready to go. Unfortunately, he didn’t show any photos of him, only of Yuta. Jaehyun wants to see him. Jaehyun wants to hold Taeyong.

**Jung Taeyong <3**

_No peeking!_ 4:56pm _  
Yuta looks so good tho_ 4:56pm _  
[img234.jgp]_ 5:01pm _  
we’re ready to go, Jae_ 5:01pm _  
see you in a bit._ 5:03pm _  
I love you so so much. Always remember. I’m so happy to be a part of your life. I will always be grateful of you Jaehyun. Thank you for everything. Take care of Doyoung okay? I’ll take care of Yuta too hehehehe_ 5:12pm __  
oops. OTW 5:15pm __  
I love you, baby. Tell everyone that I love them too. 5:15pm

He wasn’t able to respond. The coordinator snatched his phone from him laughing when he whined about it. “You’ll see him in half an hour, Jaehyun. We need you at the beachfront now. We’ll do a quick rundown of the ceremony.” Jaehyun laughed to himself but he gave in.

Lilies, white orchids and white roses decorated the beachfront. An arch made from vines was stationed at the entrance. Several seats lined on both sides, each of them decorated intricately with flowers and gold ribbons. White clothing drapes from above to create a makeshift tent with warm fairy lights illuminating the place even with the present sun. The altar made Jaehyun blink his tears back. He swore not to cry but this is just too perfect. It was what Taeyong wanted for their wedding. The constant small talks they had for their dream wedding was made into reality. The soft music playing in the background, setting the mood. They rented a small group to provide them music. Taeyong have always dreamt of a mini orchestra playing the wedding march.

By the time the wedding coordinator finished narrating the whole plan for the big day, Jaehyun was already out of breath. He didn’t run a mile-long marathon but his clammy feet and shaking hands are too visible. Sweat is starting to bother him.

He’s too overwhelmed.

His parents gave him a hug with some quick congratulations. They were so proud of him. His cousins wre beside him, standing near the altar, waiting for Taeyong to arrive with Yuta.

Doyoung is a couple of meters away from him, on his phone gnawing his lips. He looked up to catch Jaehyun looking at him. Doyoung smiled gummily at him and pointed his phone, “I’m asking Yuta for an update.” He mouthed before going back to his phone.

Jaehyun nodded. He scanned the whole venue. All the guest were seated, his parents in front with Taeyong’s. They were talking animatedly and it brought warmth to Jaehyun’s heart. The pastor arrived couple of minutes later, giving his shoulder a light pat. Mr. Kim was a pastor at the church Taeyong visits every Sunday. He greeted Jaehyun warmly, congratulating him in advance, before asking where the other groom is.

Jaehyun glanced at his watch. 5:47pm it says. He’s starting to worry. Taeyong and Yuta was supposed to arrive any minute now.

Doyoung threaded the altar walk to speak with the coordinator, phone pressed against his ears. Jaehyun furrowed his brows. Where are they?

Mark started pacing back and forth after ten minutes. It’s already 6:00pm, the sun is starting to set. The beach is getting dark save from the venue. It was well lighted, Jaehyun could see the worry starting to crease Taeyong’s mother’s beautiful face. The guests are starting to worry too. Jaehyun wiped the sweat on his forehead.

Where is Taeyong?

He couldn’t breathe. Jungwoo is rubbing circles on his back. Jaehyun clenched and unclenched his fist. His palms are sweating. Mark murmured something about the time, 6:13pm it says.

The pastor talked to him a bit, trying to calm him down. How can he calm down? How can he breathe when Taeyong’s not here yet? Where is Taeyong? He needed an answer.

He needed it now.

The coordinator gave him his phone back and Jaehyun didn’t waste a single second to call Taeyong. It was unattended. It didn’t even ring. Jaehyun is on the verge of throwing up. He tried again, and again.

Then he remembered Yuta.

He dialed his friend’s number twice but it routed him to voice mail.

“Fuck!” Jaehyun swore. Yukhei and Mark flinched. Jaehyun is the sweetest. He never cursed. “Fucking fuck—Taeyong, baby, answer the phone.” Jaehyun tried to call once again. He didn’t even realize that Doyoung is back, crushing against him, arms wrapped around his waist, ugly tears flowing from his beautiful eyes. “Doyoung, get off me—I need to call Taeyong. He’s fucking late. Fucking missing. Fucking shit—“

It was when Taeyong’s mother sobbed, a wrecked cry that snapped Jaehyun back to his senses. Why are they crying? His parents are crying too.

“Let’s go, Jae. Please. Come with me. Let’s go there.” Doyoung plead. Jaehyun didn’t like the look on his face. It mirrored everyone’s face. Terrified, devastated. His cousins left his side to calm the guests and his parents. Jaehyun was still rooted on the ground with Doyoung clinging to him like he’ll die any minute. “Please, Jaehyun. Come with me. Let’s see them please. We need to go.”

Everything that happened next was a blur to him. Suddenly he was shouting for his car keys, snatching it from his Father’s hand. Jaehyun never thought the day where he’ll break traffic rules will come. He was speeding along the highway with Doyoung on the passenger seat. Doyoung didn’t stop crying.

Jaehyun cannot even shed a tear.

There’s no way he’ll cry. He was supposed to be happy today. The happiest man alive. With Taeyong beside him. Taeyong promised him that he’ll carry his name before the day ends. Taeyong promised they’ll look into adoption and build their family. Taeyong will smile at him and kiss him and hold him and tell him that this was just an elaborate prank and Jaehyun will forgive him in a second because he loves Taeyong so much.

There was a sharp downhill slope. Jaehyun can see darkness, he can hear the crashing waves but he refused to see a big cargo truck crashed against a boulder. Jaehyun refused to acknowledge the burn out from tires and the broken railings. The police were everywhere. There was an ambulance. People are rushing back and forth, sirens creating the annoying sound of death and it burns Jaehyun’s ears.

He caught Doyoung’s hand as they fought their way towards the railings. The police were forcing them back. “Let me through! Fucking let me through—I need to find Taeyong!—”

When he saw it, down below, hundred feet from where they’re standing, an all familiar sedan shattered and burning. There were several rescue officials rounding the wreckage. He saw Yuta’s body, bloody and a mess. Doyoung cried his name.

They heard the rescuers asking them if they could identify the remains.

“What did you say? Remains?” Jaehyun could only burst in anger because what the fuck. Taeyong is not dead. Yuta too.

It was a whirlwind. Jaehyun cannot remember what happened next. He was just looking down with his clenched fist. Too angry to even care.

Too broken to even respond.

They told him that Taeyong’s body is missing. Yuta is barely alive. The driver died on the spot. That there was an accident, the car swivel to avoid crashing the truck only to hit the railings. Then it fell down

They never recovered Taeyong’s body after a month of searching, pronouncing him dead.

-

It happened and now Jaehyun is stuck.

He cannot even move on. He’s drowning even deeper.

Doyoung’s low moans echoed and Jaehyun let himself feel it. He continued slamming inside the wet heat that’s too welcoming. Every thrust, it burns him. The only time he allowed himself to live. His grip tightened around Doyoung’s waist, the younger’s hand covering his as they danced in unison. Doyoung’s melodious voice wraps his mind in haze. It was too pleasurable.

It was always like this for three years.

“Doie,” Jaehyun murmured before kissing Doyoung’s exposed shoulder.

They never stopped coping.

For three years. The only thing he cared for is touching something closer to Taeyong. Something that will give him the high he needed to survive.

Doyoung craned his neck to catch Jaehyun’s lips, it tasted betrayal and the love they both had and lost. For now, they’re contented.


	2. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is where he met Lucas or Xuxi or Yukhei who annoyed the hell out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooooo much for the 200+ hits  
> Again, I'm sorry for the grammar lapses.  
> If anyone is interested to beta-read this just message me hehehe  
> I badly needed one.  
> Also, thanks to keda for helping me brainstorm  
> anywayssss enjoy reading!!

“Any last words for the viewers before we go, Doctor Ten?” the host smiled encouragingly. Ten read the script well enough to memorize the answer the production needed.

“You guys take care and don’t stay up late!” The lights were blinding him but he smiled nonetheless. Ten knew he has a beautiful smile.

Sihyun nodded and beamed to the camera before ending the show. “This has been Sihyun, thank you for watching Doctor Doctor!” Cue the audience clapping and Ten heard the direction call ‘CUT’. Blinding lights were turned off and people were shouting here and there for the wrap up. He heaved a sigh, too tired to even function. Ten cursed under his breath to calm himself before getting up to greet the host and the crew.

“Thank you, Doctor Ten. It’s been an honor to have you again in our show.” Ten shook hands with the producer. Both of them bowed in gratitude.

“No, the pleasure is mine. I love talking to people and helping them. Thank you for the opportunity.”

The director shook his hand too, “That’s why we love having you here in our show.”

After the pleasantries, he was ushered back stage to the make-up room. Ten thanked the staffs and gathered his things. Good thing he brought a few, a leather hand bag which has his essentials and his phone. Ten bid them goodbye and rushed on his way out. He was lucky to catch the elevator without waiting. He was really tired the whole day, doing rounds in the hospital, driving to the location _and_ filming another episode of _Doctor Doctor!_. Ten didn’t waste time and drove off as soon as he reached his car.

He didn’t really want to take the stint but the hospital’s management asked him to do it. Public relation is very crucial nowadays since there’s a great number of hospital vying for the top in the medical field. Being featured to a top show such as Doctor Doctor! will really help boost the hospital’s name.

It was supposed to be Dr. Seo, he was far more charming than Ten—tall, brooding, with a perfect smile— but he’s been so busy Ten had to take his spot and only after an episode, people fell in love with him for his long name and his witty remarks. Don’t forget that he also has the looks to back him up. Now, he’s the face of Pusan National University Hospital and he couldn’t have been happier in his career’s success.

Rounding up the corner, he can see the hotel they booked for their stay. He insisted to bring Dr. Seo and his husband along with him to Seoul. It also is a plus to have another person take the wheel in case he gets tired of driving.

If there was one word to describe his best friend Johnny Seo, it would be passionate. Johnny likes to be a little extra when it comes to work, taking extra care of his patients, taking extra time doing his rounds in the hospital and of course being extra loving to Seo Taeyong. Ten really admired him for the hard work ever since university in Chicago.

He parked his car and went inside the building. Tomorrow is his day off, he’ll make sure to drag Taeyong out and enjoy the sun. Ten is damn sure the weather will be perfect and Johnny cannot do anything about it since it’s Taeyong. Ten chuckled at the sudden thought of dragging them out. Of course, he’ll drop everything for Taeyong.

The lift pinged and opened. Ten stepped in.

It was about to close when a hand reached out to stop it then two bodies slid inside. Ten had to look away. Can it be anymore sickening than this? He can practically hear them kissing and it bothered him so much. Not even his friends had the audacity to display such thing in front of him.

“Jaehyun, wait—hmm—” a low moan followed. “Not here—”

Ten did a quick glance, two tall male kissing… okay. Ten had to hold his breath or else he’ll throw up. He looked away and pretended they didn’t exist but is was getting so hard to ignore them when one is roughing up the other against the cold elevator wall. How he wished they reserved a room somewhere along the 5th floor so he could get the hell out. Why did he decide for an overlooking balcony at the penthouse again?

The rustling continued. They were laughing and moaning and Doyoung (the cute dude against the metal wall, not that Ten was interested in knowing their name) was literally clinging to Jaehyun (the other gorgeous dude with blondish hair, not that Ten checked them out). Both were out of breath and there was something so sickening with the way they touch each other. Even with the loud ping announcing that they arrived at floor 15, they both stumbled out without breaking their kiss. Ten even caught the Doyoung dude winking at him as the door close again.

Ten was traumatized. There was a tongue. Ten’s so damn sure he saw the blond use his tongue. _Oh god!_ It was a worst experience and he couldn’t hide the anxiety in his face.

“What happened, Tenny? Are you okay?” Taeyong launched himself from Johnny as soon as he opened the door. They were watching some Netflix series and Ten was a bit shy to disturb them.

He held onto Taeyong’s arms when the latter squeezed him tenderly. “I’m fine… I guess. There were some dudes who couldn’t get their hands off each other inside the elevator. I had to hear them—it was disgusting, Yong.” Ten shuddered at the image of the two. He’s been struggling with sex-repulsion all his life and he considered himself lucky to have friends who respect his choices. Ten smiled at Taeyong when he saw his crestfallen face. It didn’t suit him. “I’m okay, I swear. Just a little shaken.”

“Are you sure?”

Johnny came behind Taeyong. “If you want I can prank them with pizza just to get back.” He offered a smile. Taeyong hugged him tighter and ushered him to the couch. Taeyong is such a mother and Ten basked at being smothered with love.

Johnny asked him if he already had dinner to which answered with a no. Taeyong was already supplying him with the show they’ve been watching before he arrived. It hasn’t been long since they started the show and Ten could still follow the story.

“Honey, could you be an angel and call room service? Get Ten some steak and cheese burger for me and order whatever you want to eat.”

Taeyong grabbed the phone on the side table and dialed a number. Soon, he was ordering their food.

Johnny distracted Ten by asking how the recording went. “It was okay. We discussed about cardiomyopathy. There was this one patient who—” Taeyong asked him if he wanted his steak well done. Ten confirmed and continued, “Yeah, so this patient was asking about the procedure. Thank god I listened to you years ago when you practiced your presentation. I’m no cardiologist, dude, but these patients think doctors know everything. I specialize in Internal Medicine.” Ten threw himself on the couch. “I had to make sure the old lady understood me well. She said it was for her husband. I would refer you really but you’re all over South Korea already and Yongie will miss you.”

Taeyong joined them after several minutes, easily siding inside Johnny’s open arms. As soon as he settled, Johnny cushioned his head on top of Taeyong’s shoulder, his arms snugly hugging Taeyong. “Thanks, Ten. One of the reasons why I agreed over this short break is precisely because of that and you know how hard it is to find the perfect timing. I bet Taeyong was crying himself to sleep every night.” Johnny said, earning a pinch on his side. “What? That was so true, babe, one of the nurses in the hospital transferred your call to me saying it was an emergency because you were crying!”

“I did not!”

Ten shifted in his position, suddenly it was getting more interesting than the show playing in the background. Johnny was laughing hilariously while Taeyong was trying so hard to glare at him only to fail because it’s Johnny.

“Excuse you, Johnny Seo, I did not cry because of you! Maybe I shed a tear but that was not crying okay? It was just shedding a tear! And it was because you missed our dinner! And I had to sleep alone thinking where my husband could be!” Taeyong’s voice is raising octaves and Johnny has the audacity to even get amazed. “Ten, you get me right? I was sooo paranoid and this guy over here laughed at me over the phone!”

Ten giggled behind his hand, “He did?”

Scandalized, “He did! See how jerk he is!” Taeyong huffed and tried to get up but Johnny was quick to wrap his arm around Taeyong’s waist to pull him close he was basically sitting on Johnny’s lap. Johnny’s warm hand stayed like that. “I got so frustrated, Tenny. But eventually I came to realize that he was on a 16-hour surgery.” Taeyong dropped a kiss on Johnny’s cheek then looked him in the eye. “I was wrong and guilty for even feeling angry about it. My husband was saving lives and I was just lying on our bed demanding him to go home.”

Johnny mouthed _I love you_ , Taeyong did the same.

“That’s why I don’t like relationships.” Ten joked. “It was so easy staying single. I get all the boys for myself. And it _is_ the hottest trend today.” He singsonged.

They continued to tell stories until late in the evening. Ten was already over the elevator scene. The couple helped him get over it with their quirky stories.

When they bid good night, Ten smiled while watching Johnny carry Taeyong in his arms. It didn’t bother him the slightest even when Johnny lowered his head for a kiss and Taeyong met him halfway. It was so romantic.

Ten snuggled into his bed later with thoughts of relationships and cuddles and marrying before he slept a dreamless sleep.

-

It was a bright morning when Ten woke up. A little past ten, a perfect time for brunch. He grabbed his phone on the nightstand to check any email or call from work. There were few emails for their next medical presentation and some consultation updates. Ten made some effort to answer the important ones and leave the other for later. He quickly got up to take a bath and prepare for today.

As soon as he’s done, all dolled up with baby blue button down and black slacks that reaches his ankles paired with his Old Skool, Ten went out with a soft thud of the door. Johnny greeted him with a tight smile. The taller was standing in the kitchen holding a steaming cup of coffee. Ten already knew the look on Johnny’s face. “You want some? There’s still some coffee here.” Johnny offered.

Ten shook his head, already thinking of cafés they could visit for later. “Where’s Taeyong?”

Johnny sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “Massive headache. He was awake until this morning and only fell asleep when the pain lessened.” It was obvious with the worry evident on Johnny’s face plus the dark bags under his eyes was a telltale that he didn’t sleep that much too.

“Are we still… we could cancel, dude. It’s totally fine. We can do it tomorrow since we still have another day before we go back.”

As if Taeyong heard Ten, the latter called for him from the door of his room. “I’m fine, Tenny. Just a bit headache is all. I’m excited to visit places here. I’ve been looking forward to it—don’t mind me.” Taeyong staggered while walking and Johnny was beside him in a second, strong arms latching protectively around Taeyong.

Johnny groaned, breathing against Taeyong’s bed head. “Why’d go get up, babe. You could’ve called me instead.” Ten could see the disapproval. Taeyong looked ghastly with his pale face. Even he can say that Taeyong is not feeling well and was just trying not to make them worry. “No, we’ll stay. There’s no room for argument here, Taeyong, not when you had another episode last night.”

Ten felt that he was invading his friends’ private bubble.

“But I wanna go out,” Taeyong murmured with a pout. Ten had to snicker. Oh he’s bringing out the big guns already. “We promised Ten to have fun while on vacation, right? And this is my first time in Seoul. And you said we will buy clothes and eat out and watch side walk performances and eat dinner and… and… babe… please? I don’t what to stay—“ Taeyong coughed and heaved a breath. “I don’t want to stay in.”

“Fine. But will go out in the afternoon. I want you to sleep first for a couple of hours and then we’ll meet up with Ten. Is that okay? I don’t want you fainting on me again, babe. It scared the hell out of me even though I’m a doctor.”

“He’s right, Taeyongie. I could use some time to catch some city boys. I just know you’ll hog all of them with your face.” Ten’s giggle softens to a gentle smile. “And as much as I want to be with you guys, I’d rather be alone than compromise your health. So you better be a dear and take some needed rest. I’m sure Johnny will stay true to his words.” Ten glanced at Johnny who gave him a salute. “I will see you in the afternoon, okay?”

Taeyong nodded weakly, still not losing his cute pout.

Johnny moved him back to their room and tucked Taeyong to sleep. He promised Ten that they’ll catch up later before joining Taeyong under the sheet. Ten bid them goodbye before he closed the door of their suite.

He reached the elevator and waited for it to go up. When it pinged, he went in and punched the button going to the lobby after remembering that he didn’t ask the valet to park his car.

Lost in his thought, Ten missed the door opening at the 15th floor. Suddenly, it was a bit like dejavu when he saw Doyoung standing beside him. The latter was spitting angry curses over the phone. Ten sighed in relief when he noticed the other guy, Jaehyun, was not around, although the string of profanities coming out of Doyoung was certainly not pleasing to the ears.

“You don’t fuck with me, Park. There’s no room for _your_ choice here—no” Doyoung groaned, hand flying to massage his forehead. Ten was looking anywhere but the guy beside him, discomfort written all over his face. “I have the power to do that. There was never an option for you in the first place. Either you sign the contract or you get nothing at all. You choose.”

That was harsh. Ten didn’t even dream of entering the business world. He hated the idea of power play, using leverages to get to the top. The options you have and the cards you need to play, you’d have to be dirty and cunning and it disgust Ten in many ways. From the few minutes he’s been with Doyoung inside the elevator, he can already tell what kind of person he is.

“And the next time you call me, you kiss your company goodbye.” Doyoung ended the call with a heavy sigh.

Now it’s getting awkward. The lift was moving too slow for Ten’s liking and they’re still up the 10th floor. Good thing his own phone vibrated against his pocket like it was the salvation he need, he had the reason to cut the stiffening silence.

Taeyong’s name flashed and Ten smiled. “Taeyongie.” he crooned, the body beside him froze.

“Are you down at the lobby already?” Taeyong’s soft voice asked.

“Still inside the elevator. Why?” he answered in perfect English that made Taeyong laugh. “Did Johnny forgot to tell me something?”

“Nope,” Taeyong answered with a pop, “He said you forgot your wallet and he’s on his way to give it to you. He said to wait for him at the lobby.” Taeyong’s English is getting better. He can pronounce the words now without curling his tongue. Then he realized what Taeyong just told him. His hand felt his pocket, it was empty save for his car keys.

“Shit.” Ten muttered a curse before shooting an apology to Taeyong. “I totally forgot. I’m so sorry that he had to leave you alone, Yong. I promise I’ll send your husband back as soon as possible”

Taeyong snickered but it was kind of muffled, Ten can imagine Taeyong laughing under the sheets. “No worries, Tenny. It would be a disaster if you don’t have your card with you.”

Ten thanked Taeyong again before ending his call. He forgot that he’s with another guy inside the elevator and catching Doyoung looking at him differently didn’t sit well with him. “What?” Ten asked with his brow raised.

“Nothing.” Doyoung answered just in time with the elevator pinged. The doors slid open and he went out.

Ignoring how rude the Doyoung guy was, Ten stepped out as well when he realized they were at the lobby. Glancing around, he checked if there were any available seat where he could wait for Johnny. It didn’t take long when he felt a hand over his shoulder couple of minutes later and when he looked back, Johnny’s tall figure loomed over him, his leather wallet in Johnny’s hand.

“Geez, thanks man!”

Johnny gave him a high-five. “It was nothing. Taeyong saw it actually. Good thing you’re still in the hotel.”

“You guys really saved me.” Ten beamed. “Anyway, I don’t want to take too much of your time, Johnny. Go back to Taeyongie now. I’m sorry again for disturbing you guys.” It earned him a ruffle on his styled hair and an okay before Johnny was jogging back to the elevator.

Ten watched him until he’s gone and decided to get up and get moving.

There were few things he planned to do and one of which includes the salon. His dyed hair looks disgusting now that the roots have grown long.

After grabbing some coffee and grilled sandwich, Ten drove to a famous salon around the area with the help of GPS. He entered the building and was greeted by the staff. The consultation went smooth as the stylist informed him of the treatments he needed and the cut that would look good on him. Soon, he was seated in one of their chair, getting his hair treatment. It’s been an hour already.

With the latest men’s magazine perched on his lap, Ten decided to kill time with reading through the health and lifestyle column. He scanned one article about healthy diet and areal yoga, Ten was intrigued. It’s been a while since he last hit the studio for dance practice given his tight schedule and yoga is actually relaxing.

“You should check out page 24, you’ll see something really nice.” Smooth low voice ghosted against Ten’s ears. The doctor jumped on his seat, goose-skinned and pissed. Ten whipped his head to the side to give this person a piece of his mind.

Ten ignored the fact that the guy was utterly handsome. “Excuse me?” voice an octave higher.

The guy tipped his head a bit to his right, angle just right to show his beautiful jaw line. “You’ll see something interesting if you go to page 24.” That voice again, Ten felt his legs go weak.

“And if I don’t want to?” The doctor asked petulantly, leveling the handsome stranger with a scowl. “Look, dude, mind your own business. Some of us here _value our privacy_.” with an eye roll, Ten went back to reading.

“I’m Xuxi.”

Ten ignored the introduction though he took note of the name. It doesn’t hurt to give name to a handsome face.

“My family calls me Lucas.”

The doctor remained impassive, pretending that Lucas doesn’t exist as he continued skimming through each page.

“My full name is Wong Yukhei. Lucas is my English name. Xuxi is my stage name. You can check out my information on page 24. I believe a have a short column for my biography. Oh, I also have several pictures there and they interviewed me for my hobbies and diet plan. They want to know what—”

“Honestly, I don’t give a fuck, _dude_.” gone were his patience. If his glare wasn’t enough to tell this Xuxi or Lucas or whoever he is, Ten doesn’t even know anymore. If his hair isn’t under treatment, he’ll walk out the door without second thought. “I value my privacy. If you won’t stop talking to me, I’ll call the guards to drag your sorry ass out. Do you get me?”

Lucas hummed and smiled cheekily, totally unfazed. “So are you gonna turn to page 24 now?” invisible tail wagging. He’s like an annoying dog.

Ten groaned, slamming the magazine down the table. Several staff and guest glanced their direction. “If this is how you flirt, you suck!”

“Oh really? How do you flirt then, Dr. Chittaphon?” Lucas smirked sexily, dragging his chair closer until his knees are touching Ten’s thigh. Wow, those are super long legs, Ten unconsciously bit his bottom lip at the thought. Just how tall is this guy? And he knows his name.

And then Ten’s brain screeches to stop. Lucas knew his name.

“How did you know my name?”

“I always watch _Doctor Doctor!_ and you’re my favorite guest.” Lucas beamed as if it was obvious, smile blinding and Ten has to look away which was a bad move. He caught the magazine’s cover, looking so familiar. It was Lucas with his body glistening under the camera. Ten had the urge to ask if those pecs are real. Gulping down, Ten willed his mouth to function right for once.

Instead of clapping back with a witty response, Ten rolled his eyes heavenwards and called for the stylist who scrambled to his aid. “Let’s finish this soon.” he said with a pointed glare directed to Lucas who remains unfazed. “Color this black and get done with it.”

The whole duration of his time—2 hours and some minutes—his hair was done spectacularly. It would’ve been the best experience in a salon if it weren’t for nosy bastards like Lucas. Ten checked his styled hair on the mirror, black strands hanging on his forehead but never obstructing his eyes. It looked soft and healthy thanks to the treatments they provided. ten like his new look. Besides his previous gray dye job was getting too mainstream.

Lucas continued to tell him snippets of his life and Ten pretended that he doesn’t exist. It didn’t stop Lucas tho as he continued to push his boundaries Ten was so amazed he managed to control himself from smacking the stranger across his handsome face.

Of course, only to remove the blinding smile.

Which was by itself should be illegal. It _is_ a deadly weapon that could make Ten uwu…

Anyways, while waiting, he managed to be productive and reply to Johnny who mentioned that they’re ready to go. Ten provided the address since they are taking a cab.

Meanwhile, Lucas, the annoying stranger, gave up after invading his space after an hour of persuading Ten to exchange business cards. Good thing Ten kept one and it was his clinic’s hotline. He needs to inform his attendants to ignore any Lucas, Xuxi or Yukhei calling in to set appointment or anything where Ten is required to waste his time.

“Sleek.” Johnny greeted. “I knew black is a good color.”

“I always look good. Regardless of what my hair color is.”  
  


What a day. Ten sighed, deciding to share everything that happened to him over dinner. For now, he just wanted to pay for the services. Once done, he thanked the stylist and bid them goodbye before following Johnny out. Taeyong was waiting for them at the lounge, he looked better than earlier, a bit of color has returned to his face.

“Now I want to get my hair done too.” Taeyong muttered with a slight jut of his lip.

Johnny gathered him inside his arms, chuckling. “And you’ll look even prettier I’d have to guard you every second.” He kissed Taeyong’s cheek to which the latter responded, “I want to be pretty for you, Mr. Seo. Always.”

“Gross. Could you please stop? Let’s get out of here. A lot has happened and I want to rant.” and Ten was already ushering the two out to start their adventure. “Come on! Let’s go!” he shouted excitedly. They’ve got things planned out and his little mishap with the Lucas guy isn’t going to stop him from enjoying their well deserved break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment down what you think guys :D  
> and don't forget to kudos  
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> tdb


	3. Doyoung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi! ^^  
> sorry for taking a while to post this.  
> i honestly lost the file HAHHAHAA  
> and got it mixed to some pdf i'm reading  
> this is unedited and rushed.   
> here you go!

Cuddles comes after sex.

Doyoung doesn’t want to admit but he likes the feeling of Jaehyun pressed against his back after their heated session. He’s not one to deny it when the other insisted on becoming the big spoon. He’s also not one to refuse being touched so tenderly when Jaehyun starts playing with his hair. Perhaps, he also seeks this kind of thing, having someone care…

“What are you thinking?” he whispers, shifting just enough to see Jaehyun who’s face were just inches away from his reddening ears.

Jaehyun kisses his ear lightly, “Nothing. Just wondering why your hair feels soft after all those dye jobs.” he joked.

Doyoung huffs, pinching Jaehyun’s hand above his hair. It didn’t stop the latter from playing though. Doyoung secretly relished at the gentle touch, something he will never say out loud. “I put effort into my appearance unlike other people. Thank you very much.” he couldn’t shake off stares he gets from people who knew Jaehyun and Taeyong. They scrutinize him, judge him like he’s a vulture pecking on someone else’s spoil. “You know I wasn’t born lucky.”

“I’m not lucky either.”

Doyoung chuckles hoarsely, “Says who? You’ve got women worshipping you on daily basis. I don’t know if I’m jealous of them or jealous of you. I don’t even know why I should be jealous. Waah, I’m so pathetic it’s disgusting.”

“You’re gorgeous, Doie.” Jaehyun compliments with another kiss to prove his point. The sincerity in Jaehyun’s voice, the heat in his skin where Jaehyun’s lips touch burns and it makes Doyoung guiltier.

_Liar._

He’s heard them call him a cheat.

“I’m not.”

Doyoung is a strong person. The times he cried can barely be counted in his fingers. Even after his friend’s death, Doyoung sucked it up like a mature adult, only showing his weakness after the burial, allowing himself to crumble inside his room without other people watching. Soon after he discovered that alcohol cures loneliness, it became his substitute to crying, the harshness in his throat felt as welcoming as Taeyong’s warm hug.

…Taeyong

Oh god, his beautiful and sweet friend, Taeyong—who’s like a brother to him.

This burning jealousy he’s feeling over Jaehyun’s dead fiancé is repulsive he couldn’t even stop it.

Jaehyun’s body often makes him forget, but it’s not enough.

He couldn’t even look Taeyong’s mother in the eye as it was so shameful. Every fiber of his body trembles as he falls even deeper into his depression. Hah! And another part of him is disgusted being compared to his dead friend. Why can’t they just leave him alone?

Why?

_Why?!_

Sure, Lee Taeyong’s got _fucking_ everything— but so was Doyoung! If he can’t compete in face value, he sure can knock Taeyong in anything—wealth, connections, friends, his business prowess… Jung Jaehyun who _moaned_ for him, called his name in fervent ardor, Doyoung… Doyoung… _Doyoung_ , as he climaxed.

He’s no Taeyong but he’s better.

He’s good in bed and he can make Jaehyun forget. That’s what matters most.

However, no matter how hard he creates a world where he is superior in all aspect, one single look from their peers brings him down the deepest bottom of his fears and Doyoung can see himself crumbling.

He’s no Taeyong and he’s starting to loathe it. “I wasn’t born lucky, Jaehyun. I’m not even—”

Jaehyun frowns. It didn’t suite him his handsome face.

The underlying envy tasted so bitter against Doyoung’s tongue. He wishes death would come to him soon, punish him for thinking ill of Taeyong… their beautiful Taeyong. He’s _sick_ in the head. Antagonizing the dead, wishing he could bury Taeyong’s memories along with his rotting body wherever the hell it is so that people around them can finally acknowledge him as someone equal and worthy of Jaehyun.

“I also dislike getting mean looks from the people around us. I had to look good.” Right, he has to.

Hot air blew touched his neck as Jaehyun smiles. “You already look good, Doie. You’re very pretty.”

“Yeah, right.” The doubt settles heavy against his gut but he couldn’t tell Jaehyun what he feels. It has been almost three years since they started this set-up. Oh, the cliché. At first, it was to overcome the grief, drowning themselves with bottles and bottles of vodka until they both cannot count how many more they could take before the faithful night that changed their life forever. It was still vivid in his memories, how Jaehyun told him how beautiful he is before slotting their mouths together. Doyoung blamed the alcohol and his weakness when he kissed back, desperately catching those lips that used to kiss his dear friend.

One thing led to another like a domino.

The morning came and it was a nightmare.

He felt so dirty, sleeping with the guy his best friend was supposed to marry. Jaehyun apologized profusely, eyes dead but words sincere. Doyoung accepted because he also took advantage of Jaehyun. And also, like a nasty devil in his mind, he liked every bit of it. The sex was so good he wanted more.

So, he got more.

The next time they did it, it was when Yuta died in his hospital bed. The trauma was too much his body just stopped healing and working altogether. It didn’t come a shock as the doctors already mentioned this when they diagnosed Yuta. It just felt bitter that the hope they have was shattered into nothing after Yuta’s heart stops beating. Jaehyun pulled Doyoung somewhere, then clothes fell one by one as they walked to the bed—they didn’t even make it there. Doyoung eagerly wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, shamelessly moaning as he begs for more, faster, _harder_ , as he explodes in pure ecstasy. Jaehyun delivers Doyoung’s wishes and bites at every exposed skin like a painter harshly splaying angry reds to his canvas. And after the high came down, they stayed still, both refusing to look at each other, probably thinking why they ended up in this mess again. Doyoung was the first one to leave, no words exchanged, only a nod as he bid good bye.

The third time, Doyoung’s memory is quite hazy, because they’ve been doing it for as long as he can remember. To forget.

Or to pleasure themselves.

But mostly to feel another body beside him in the guise of forgetting and mourning for the dead.

The fervent touches, hungry kisses, late night calls and furtive glances. Doyoung wished for _someone_ to light him on fire because that’s what he deserves and not Jaehyun, who burns him with desire every fucking night.

He is so lost in his thoughts that when Jaehyun pulled him closer, he jerked in response. “Stop thinking. I stopped thinking a long time ago, Kim Doyoung.”

Suddenly Doyoung forgot to breathe. The feelings he buried deep came surging like a wave and he cannot stop it. Not now—“How can I? I’m a _traitor_. Jaehyun, I _betrayed_ them. We fucked and forget. We selfishly ignored the present and now—fuck, I am so selfish. Jaehyun, this— _everything_ , is fucked up, and I still want you. Yeah, the shitty thing is I want you. I’m so sick in the head thinking that this is the right thing when all I ever do is—” eyes shot frantic, fingers balled against Jaehyun’s chest. He can’t stop cursing himself to stop. “Every time I close my eyes, I can see Taeyong. Every time I sleep, I dream of Taeyong. He’s looking at me like I hurt him, Jaehyun. I betrayed him, and Yuta too. Like I am the one who drove them off the cliff, I survived and they didn’t—god, they didn’t! And I realize that I’m happy because at the end of the day I’ll have you. Do you get me?!” he sounding hysterical now. The dreams he’s got for the past years, the fears, longing… sadness… everything is hitting him like punches in his gut and he’s about to break.

He didn’t realize he was crying until Jaehyun wiped his tears away, one hand tugging him closer until there’s no more space between them. Jaehyun is mostly silent, letting Doyoung cry onto him, only tightening his arms around Doyoung, a reassurance that he’s there listening.

“You’re not alone in this, Doie. Whatever you feel, whatever _I_ made you feel, I’m sorry.” Doyoung shakes violently as fresh tears spills out of his eyes. Jaehyun drops a kiss on his forehead, pushing his damp hair away from his face. Jaehyun tilts his chin up, “But I never regret kissing you. I never regret _this_ , the times we shared, even if it is only in bed. You are special to me, Doyoung, ever since. We may have started at the wrong foot but that doesn’t mean we cannot change it. Those years I spent with you are the only thing that anchors me _everyday_. Whenever I feel like ending my life, whenever I feel like jumping on the very same cliff, I remember _you_. You’ll be alone… you won’t have anyone to hold you anymore… and I don’t want you to go through it again because you have me and we’re doing a great job pretending together.” Jaehyun wipes Doyoung’s tears tenderly. He caught Doyoung’s eyes, searching, “I thought of it every time.” He chuckles darkly, “Why wouldn’t I? I don’t want you hurting yourself. I hate it. I hate it so much.”

This is real and it’s happening. Both male stops and stares at each other. Jaehyun carefully threads his fingers against Doyoung’s, bends down to kiss them tenderly, stopping at the ring finger bare of any ornaments, waiting for him to put something on it.

“Doyoung? I wish to make this real. I want to make us real. You are no rebound to me. You are yourself. And I’ve never compared you to Taeyong. It’s different. You are different.”

Doyoung gasps for air and lunges at Jaehyun. “Please don’t give me false hopes.”

“I am not. I… I like you, Doie. And I want to know more of you… I want to love again. And I want it to be you.”

It’s like he finally found the light in the never-ending tunnel. He’s surging up to gasp for air, and he breathe. There’s another chance for him to live again. Doyoung felt lighter. The kissed they shared is the sweetest of all. And Doyoung’s smiled the brightest in years, the first genuine smile Jaehyun had seen on him.

“I want that too.”

\--

It’s been months since they confessed and a lot has happened. While many didn’t accept their new found relationship, eyes sharpening at the sight of their hands touching. There are few who wished them well. It was all Doyoung could hope for, really. To be acknowledged as Jaehyun’s lover.

They started doing things out of the norm like getting dinner after work or buying each other some coffee for breakfast. They even started hanging out in each other’s home—Jaehyun lounging on his couch, his head resting on top of Jaehyun’s chest, listening to Jaehyun’s voice as he tells him little stories at work, his snarky inputs in each stories making Jaehyun laugh and pinch his cheek and tells him how cute he is and then he tells Jaehyun how lucky he is to have him.

Yeah, it was out of the norm but Doyoung loves every bit of it.

Jaehyun has been extra sweet to him. Flowers made a permanent space in his office beside a small box where he keeps Jaehyun’s letters—something with _Good Morning, my Doie_ neatly scribbled on a neat card. Also, Jaehyun allowed him to buy that cringey couples mug with atrocious art just for the laugh. They use it often when he comes over. His lover doesn’t miss sending him messages every opportunity he has, telling him that’s he’s on a meeting, whenever he’s out for a lunch, asking Doyoung to never skip a meal or else it’ll make him sad, reminding Doyoung how beautiful he is at random times, and jokes that he’s about to consult a doctor because he’s heart beats a little fast he’s having a hard time to breathe.

Then it’ll make Doyoung worry.

And Jaehyun will respond with, “That’s what you do to me just by simply existing, Kim Doyoung. You’re the only one who makes my heart beat fast. Kiss me so I can breathe better?”

And Doyoung will call him just to tell him how jerk he is for making him worry so much. But then he’ll mellow down once he hear Jaehyun’s childlike laugh and he’ll smile to himself, tells Jaehyun that, “I love you, Jaehyun. Give me fifteen minutes.” And he’ll drop whatever work he’s doing, call someone to take charge, and drive to Jaehyun’s building couple of blocks away from his own just to give him a kiss.

And it was sweet as fuck.

“Now I’m feeling better.” Jaehyun breathes into his neck, dropping little kisses here and there. “I’m going crazy missing you, Doie.”

Doyoung replies, “I missed you too. _So much._ Though I’m afraid I can’t stay long. I need to go back to work.” To which made his lover sulk. What a cute face. Doyoung smiles at him. “I just had to stop working because I want to kiss you too.” It’s getting a little bit tough not to moan at every touch of his lover’s lips. His skin tingles as if he’s burning.

“Dinner later?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s our fourth monthsary.”

Jaehyun captures his lips for another kiss and Doyoung savors the warmth. They hugged each other for a minute or two before letting go reluctantly. “I love you.” Doyoung whispers.

Jaehyun takes his hand and brings it to his chest, above where he can feel Jaehyun’s heart. He looked him in the eye, something swirling in those brown orbs. Doyoung’s own heart burst in happiness. “It’s beating for you, Doie.”

Not yet.

No response yet.

But he can wait.

\--

Doyoung gets pissed in the morning. Who wouldn’t? Jaehyun has to cut their morning love making short because of an overseas call, some mishap with the signed documents. His lover kissed him apologetically for missing breakfast with him before he bid goodbye. Doyoung understands how important Jaehyun’s current project is. Ever since his father retired, Jaehyun’s workload doubles as important documents and deals goes directly through him.

Also, Park Seulkyung decides to fuck up by not paying his dues for the month. That’ll make it three months now. The old man insist on lowering the due but Doyoung knows better than let the geezer have his way. The initial 5% was already agreed upon contract signing, and his building is full of business tenants. No way he couldn’t pay the signed amount. Just the thought of that money grabbing old fart hits several of Doyoung’s nerves.

He unintentionally snaps at the unsuspected bystander who unfortunately had to ride the long elevator ride with him. Doyoung’s brow twitched a bit, it’s the same unfortunate dude riding the lift while he and his beau are getting lost in the moment.

Doyoung breathes a sigh. His migraine is getting worse. Perhaps he needs to call Jaehyun to lessen the ache a bit. And he missed him so much too. Now that’s a good plan.

“Taeyongie.”

His breath hitches as his gut lurches at the name. The same pet name he calls his dear friend. It feels nostalgic… and different.

Muffled noise came in response. Doyoung refused to acknowledge the familiar soft tone. “Still inside the elevator. Why?” the other guy answered in accented foreign language. “Did Johnny forgot to tell me something?”

Doyoung suddenly felt his heart thundering against is chest. What is this? Who is this guy? And who is he talking to? His clammy fingers reached for his chest to feel how it beats.

“Shit.” The stranger pats something in his back pocket and flusters. “I totally forgot. I’m so sorry that he had to leave you alone, Yong. I promise I’ll send your husband back as soon as possible”

He can feel his throat constricting at the laughter from the other line. He doesn’t want to eavesdrop but he can’t not listen to how similar the voice is to Taeyong. It’s like his friend talking over the phone and it hurts.

The stranger muttered his thanks before ending the call. Doyoung couldn’t help but wince when the stranger caught him staring.

“What?” he asked with his brow raised.

“Nothing.” Doyoung answered just in time with the elevator pinged. The doors slid open and he went out. Every step felt hard that it was sort of a miracle he made it back to his car.

No way that’s Taeyong. Shit.

But it was definitely Taeyong’s voice and Taeyong’s laugh and he knew it by heart.

“Shit.” Another wave of pain hit his head. Doyoung slumps in his seat as he tries to calm himself. The pain wouldn’t go away. The throbbing subsides after a couple of minutes, Doyoung relaxes before he drives out of the building to go see Jaehyun.

He’ll be okay when he’s Jaehyun.

But the thought of the voice and the stranger settles deep in his head he couldn’t stop thinking.

He needs to find that stranger, and the owner of the familiar voice ‘Taeyong’. Doyoung has to see him. If he’s still alive. If he knew. A lot of things.

And after that, he’ll tell Jaehyun—

Doyoung drove faster.

Nope. He won’t tell Jaehyun. Not in a million years.

He’ll keep it to his grave if he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think>?  
> can you guess who's POV is coming next?  
> HAHAHAHAH   
> write some comments and i'll be happy to talk to you guys about the story! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to comment <3


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